12 Worst Christmas Songs Ever

[We’ve got at least 12 more days of enduring Christmas song ubiquity.  Brent Chittenden takes a look at the Yule tunes we love to hate. – AC]

I have a confession. I hate Christmas music. I really do.

There are a few songs that are alright but for the most part, Christmas music is awful. Which made this week’s list that much harder to put together because there is so much awful to choose from, I had to enlist help.

With that I bring this list to you. In honor of the twelve days of Christmas I present The Top 12 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time!

12) Olivia Newton John and John Travolta – I Think You Might Like It

I am unsure why this Christmas album happened.  But it did. This single from it has only been out a few weeks but yet it still made the list. Just another reason on my list of why I hate Grease.

 

11) Buster Poindexter – Zat You Santa Claus?

Do I really have to explain how bad this is? How he went from The New York Dolls to “Hot Hot Hot” to this, I’m not sure.

 

10) Cheap Trick – Come On Christmas

Ugh.  Terrible. Brought to you by my cousin-in law Ashley

 

9) Rosie O’Donnell & Cher – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

Capitalizing on Rosie’s fame via her talk show and Cher’s re-emergence as a dance queen, what makes this version so bad (beyond the awful) is the random bits of over auto tune.

 

8) Barbra Streisand – Jingle Bells

 

Alex James of Nerds with Guitars lists this as one of the worst of all time. When I first heard it, I really thought it was some sort of stupid meme. Nope.  This was how the song was actually recorded.

 

7) June Carter Cash and The Carter Sisters – Figgy Pudding

I’m a fan of June Carter but what the hell were they thinking? It’s not bad until the interruptions which kind of sound like the ladies got into the egg nog. This was suggested by the lovely ladies at Big B Comics.

 

6) Cyndi Lauper – Christmas Conga

Look at the title. In what universe does that combination ever seem like a good idea?

 

5) Neil Diamond – Cherry Cherry Christmas

This is pretty terrible and I actually kind of like Neil Diamond.

 

4) John Denver – Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk at Christmas)

When the Dropkick Murphys sing about drinking at Christmas, it’s with a sense of humor. This is just sad and depressing.

 

3) Alvin and the Chipmunks – Christmas Song

So let me get this straight:  In the 70’s there were radio stations doing a thing where they would burn disco albums or run them over with steamrollers but yet, no one has ever suggested rounding up every Chipmunk album in a big pile on an empty Pacific island and nuking it? It would be the only thing I would ever support nuclear warfare on.

 

2) Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime

I don’t care if this makes me unpopular but this is not only one of the worst Christmas songs ever made but possibly in the top ten of worst songs ever. I usually like McCartney over Lennon in the solo category but wow, it’s hard to believe this came from a Beatle. Even Ringo could have done better.

 

1) Newsong – Christmas Shoes

This song is the worst Christmas song ever. [EVER! – AC] In fact, it is so bad I refuse to even link a video to it. Instead, I’ll let Patton Oswalt explain it to you. You’ll still get the general gist of the song but trust me, it’s better for everyone that I do it this way.

That’s it for my Top 12 Worst Christmas Songs, thank you for going through it and hopefully surviving. With the worst comes the best. Next week we’ll feature the top 12 Christmas songs in rock.

Do you have any favorites? Feel free to make suggestions in the comment section below!

Alan Cross

is an internationally known broadcaster, interviewer, writer, consultant, blogger and speaker. In his 30+ years in the music business, Alan has interviewed the biggest names in rock, from David Bowie and U2 to Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. He’s also known as a musicologist and documentarian through programs like The Ongoing History of New Music.

6 thoughts on “12 Worst Christmas Songs Ever

  • December 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm
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    Have to totally agree with the McCartney song. Ugh, it makes me want to stick sharp objects in my ears and stab my brain with them every time I hear it. Just thinking about the refrain makes me shudder…

    A nom for the best "modern" Christmas song: Harvey Danger's "Sometimes you have to work on Christmas" is prob my fave and jumps to the top of my head but I'm sure you'll come up with a bunch more. (of course Henry Rollins' rendtion of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" though not technically a song, is up there too)

    Reply
  • December 15, 2012 at 2:28 am
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    Sorry man, but you are off with McCartney and the Chipmunks. They are both ingrained in my mind and remind me of wonderful childhood times with the family.

    As a radio guy who has worked in wide and rock formats, BTO's Takin' Care of Christmas was a total abomination, and was usually in heavy rotation this time of year… ugh!

    Reply
  • December 15, 2012 at 3:21 am
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    I had no idea Paul McCartney sang that suicide enabling song. It is by far the absolute worst song ever made. Just reading the title it is now on constant repeat in my head.

    Anyone who has ever worked in an office and gets stuck listening to shitty radio stations (like the one Chris Fantini probably works for) around this time of year, knows that pain.

    Fuck that song. Seriously.

    Reply
  • December 15, 2012 at 4:21 am
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    Taking Care of Christmas was nearly #12 and to be honest I shifted on it back and fourth for a while but the crappiness of Travolta won (or is that lost?) out and made the list.

    Reply
  • December 20, 2012 at 7:10 pm
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    Agree! I fucking hate Xmas Shoes. Love the Patton Oswalt piece. Never heard it before.

    Reply

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