Best. Drummer. Ad. Ever.

This appeared on Craigslist in LA.

I do NOT play to a click track or backing tracks and GO SCREW if you think I’m gonna “tone it down a little, bro” so you can piddle away on your stringed sissy box. I WILL NOT play hotel cafe and don’t take direction from ninnies who live in their fucking parents basement and whack off to dreams of hanging with Jack Johnson and rapping about his “process”, you piece of shit.

I am a real mother fucker with balls of steel and have a drumset that loves to be ass fucked mercilessly from behind and I need to join a band who understands that stage-sex is part of the fucking game, dude. So when I’m fucking the shit outta the kit, you can’t be the guy in the corner beating your limp, taffy dick wishing that you could stick your dick in too, NO! You get that dick hard and fuck the stage with me, pussy boy.

I’m so sick of stealing the show and would really love to meet some real sons of fucking bitches who aren’t afraid to use a sweat band for its intended purpose: wiping off fucking sweat, cum, groupies, pussy juice, blood, etc. 

Do not write me for reasons of sass because I will FIND YOU and shred your fucking face with my SHIT-STORMING DRUM GODLINESS!  

Original post here.

Alan Cross

is an internationally known broadcaster, interviewer, writer, consultant, blogger and speaker. In his 30+ years in the music business, Alan has interviewed the biggest names in rock, from David Bowie and U2 to Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. He’s also known as a musicologist and documentarian through programs like The Ongoing History of New Music.

3 thoughts on “Best. Drummer. Ad. Ever.

  • June 19, 2012 at 9:34 pm
    Permalink

    I'm gonna say he sucks and drumming…

    Reply
  • June 20, 2012 at 12:02 am
    Permalink

    It's fake. That's a wig. A real drummer knows better not to wear 3 layers of clothing while playing either.

    Reply
  • June 21, 2012 at 4:43 am
    Permalink

    OK…he can be in my band but I definitely want a plexi-glass splash wall partition to confine him and whatever mess he intends on making back there.

    Reply

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