Hut, Hut! Maroon 5 to Tackle Super Bowl

I love writing for Alan Cross and his Journal of Musical Things, but there are times when he expects me to report on news impartially and unbiasedly, even when it pertains to artists I am not particularly fond of.

It is my duty to tell you then that Maroon 5 have all been confirmed as the Super Bowl LIII halftime performers, to be decided at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta on February 3rd, 2019. (My birthday!)

Do I have to start calling it the generic “Big Game” already? Anyway, no matter how catchy “Moves Like Jagger” still may be, I’m not a big fan of Adam Levine even if he really isn’t a douche. It’s not like I intent to put up a stink over America’s #1 spectator sport being tarnished by vanilla-flavoured pop rock and burn a pair of Nikes while they’re still on my feet or something similar along racistly stupid lines such as those. Pepsi are allowed to have whoever they want act as b(r)and ambassadors, even though there is another group who will be celebrating 50 years together, have an illustrated book coming out, and are also rumoured to be launching their own concert streaming service. No, not residency casinoers Aerosmith, although they would assuredly put on a better show too.

I’m already out of my football survivor pool, so my only rooting interest is to see rock return to the Super Bowl. I’ll even take another wannabe Prince hologram!