I can’t believe I’m devoting time to writing about Yeezy’s presidential ambitions, but this is too loopy to ignore.
Yesterday, he released component of his campaign platform. Here’s the executive summary. I swear I didn’t make any of this up.
- He has no party affiliation, so he’ll run as an independent under the banner of The Birthday Party. Why that? “Because when we win, it’ll be everybody’s birthday!”
- His VP running mate is Michelle Tidball, a preacher from Wyoming.
- He no longer supports Donald Trump, so he’s got a MAGA hat that he’s no longer using. But he still thinks “Trump is the closest president we’ve had in years to allowing God to still be part of the conversation.”
- He has no campaign infrastructure of any kind other than support from his wife, Kim Kardashian, and (allegedly) Elon Musk. (When Kanye wins, Musk will head up the US space program.)
- He’s already missed the filing date in a number of large states. Without those states, he has zero mathematical chance of winning anything.
- He’s never run for anything before. In fact, he’s never voted in his life. Actually, he’s never even been registered to vote.
- He opposes abortion, saying that Planned Parenthood is run by white supremacists who have successfully implanted locations in America’s big cities “to do the Devil’s work.”
- His strategy for dealing with COVID-19? “Pray for Freedom” and “Stop doing things that make God mad.”
- He’s against vaccinations, calling them “the mark of The Beast,” emphasizing that “They want to put chips inside us. They want to do all kinds of things to make it where we can’t cross the gates of heaven.”
- He’s totally okay with taking votes away from Democrats because that will only help Trump.
- When he wins, he will organize the White House based on what he learned about Wakanda from Black Panther.
- Another quote: “Let’s see if the appointing is at 2020 or if it’s 2024—because God appoints the president. If I win in 2020 then it was God’s appointment. If I win in 2024 then that was God’s appointment.”
- Foreign policy? That’s for later–except for his thoughts on China: “When I become president—let me make some promises—the NBA will open all the way back up from Nigeria to Nanchang and the world will see the greatest athletes play. The world will experience the change in their element. The money is gonna come back. I love China. I love China. It’s not China’s fault that disease. It’s not the Chinese people’s fault. They’re God’s people also. I love China. It changed my life. It changed my perspective, it gave me such a wide perspective. My mom as an English professor taught English in China when I was in fifth grade.”
- Chemicals are bad. “Clean up the chemicals. In our deodorant, in our toothpaste, there are chemicals that affect our ability to be of service to God.”
Concerned? His family is, wondering if he’s going through a serious bipolar episode.
Oh dear, America. He’s all yours. I’ll have more on this over the weekend at Global News.ca.