Pornhub has released a Christmas album called–what else?—XXXmas.

Hand it to Pornhub to offer a sexual twist on the most wonderful time of the year. The company just issued XXXmas, a trap-heavy album featuring horny Christmas stuff from A$AP Ferg, Sukihana, Rubi Rose, Mila J and KenTheMan.

What does that mean? Well, dear reader, I took the plunge and listened for you.

A$AP Fergie’s “Mistletoe” goes “Santa, I got os…one of them, two of them, three of them four.” Then we have Mila J’s “Holiday Freak Shit” with the soon-to-be classic line “Lift my legs up so you can kiss under the mistletoe.” Sukihana raps about a certain part of her anatomy coming gift wrapped.

If that’s not enough, there are several skits on the album, including “Stuff Our Stockings Santa,” which features Family Guy’s favourite porn star, Asa Akira. At one point, someone drops the inevitable rhyme of “mistletoe” and “cameltoe.”

Just the thing you need to counteract all the attention given to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You,” innit?

Want more? Go here.

Alan Cross

is an internationally known broadcaster, interviewer, writer, consultant, blogger and speaker. In his 30+ years in the music business, Alan has interviewed the biggest names in rock, from David Bowie and U2 to Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. He’s also known as a musicologist and documentarian through programs like The Ongoing History of New Music.

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