Dear Drake. We need to talk.
Listen, we appreciate how much you’ve done to put Toronto on the map. Thanks to you The Six has respect in the hip-hop world. We’re also thrilled that you’re such a supporter of the Toronto Raptors.
But for the love of God, stay away from the team during the rest of the playoffs!
I understand that you have a solid relationship with players, the team, and MLSE. But buddy, you have to admit that your presence has some kind of supernatural toxicity. It seems that every time to associate with an athlete or a team before a big match–his presence, an endorsement, a shared photo–they lose. It’s the Drake Curse.
(To be fair, you’re not the only musician who carries bad ju-ju with him to his favourite teams. You might want to commiserate with Mick Jagger.)
I’m sure you’re reminded of this all the time, but let me just recount the time that things have gone all pear-shaped over the years.
The Kentucky Wildcats appear to have been the first victims. Before 2012, they were perennial contenders in NCAA Division I football. Before Drake, they won the college football championship eight times. But after Drake professed his love for the team, they haven’t won it once.
Then there was the time you chose to support the Alabama Crimson Tide earlier this year. What happened to their championship hopes? That’s right: They lost to Clemson.
We know you have a crush on Serena Williams, but remember when you hung out with her at the 2015 US Open? She was supposed to cruise to a win over underdog Roberta Vinci. But what happened? She lost.
You need to stay away from European footballers, too. Hanging out with players from Man City or Arsenal, the teams lose the big game. Same thing with BVB in the German league and Paris Saint-Germaine.
Remember when you supported Conor McGregor in that UFC fight against Russian Khalib Nurmagomedov? Yeah, he lost.
I know that none of this is your fault. Unlike measles, there is no vaccine against this pestilence. You just need to stay away.
But maybe you’ve discovered a way to use The Curse for good. Is it true that you stayed home Sunday night to watch the Raptors on TV while wearing Philadelphia 76ers shorts? If so, it worked!
So, Drizzy, I hope you have a full Milwaukee Bucks uniform. Layer it with warm-up gear. Put on a Bucks hat. Get a Bucks foam finger. Do it up big, Milwaukee-style.
But for the sake of all long-suffering Toronto sports fans, just sit there. Don’t do anything. No texting, Instagramming, or any other communications involving the Raptors, any individual player or anyone in management. That’s the greatest contribution you can make.