The Wife Says: Who Would You Do?

[Yes, this really is from my wife.  She says “I have things to say. You should use me on your blog!”  Like I’d have a choice…]

Here’s something to yak about over wine with girlfriends while ignoring the tsumami of laundry waiting at home: who would you do?

If, even for an instant, your mind flashed on Justin Beiber stop reading immediately and get help.

I’m not talking about the dreamy pop stars on posters or lunch boxes. Not the Donny Osmonds or the David Cassidys. They were manufactured to make adolescent hearts go pitty-pat and sell merchandise along the way.

I’m talking about bona fide rock gods. The ones worthy of plaster-castering. The ones that make a woman forget adult responsibilities and allow herself to be taken in a trailer with roadies watching. (Not me, but I have a vivid imagination.)

Where have they all gone? The Jim Morrisons? The John Lennons? The Mick Jaggers? 

U2 might be the biggest rock band in the world and angels weep with they play, but Bono? Seriously? He’d never shut up.

Coldplay Chris? He married a movie star who slums on Glee.

There are no real bad boys anymore, not when they’re stuck on a perpetual tour loop. That means staying in shape. That means immigration.  That means no criminal records. The modern rules would kibosh the career of a Kurt Cobain or a Jim Morrison.

Let’s go the other way? Where is the new David Bowie, the rock chameleon with his sophisticated Eurochic slyness? Aspirational to both genders.

Where are the rock equivalents of Clooney or Pitt or Depp?

The modern Elvis? Establishing a whole new classification of human.

Where are the doable rock stars? I wallow in the tabs and online gossip. These bad boys should be front and center with their groupies and their groping and their how dare you do that in public behaviour.

They are M.I.A. and we, ladies, are S.O.L

Alan Cross

is an internationally known broadcaster, interviewer, writer, consultant, blogger and speaker. In his 30+ years in the music business, Alan has interviewed the biggest names in rock, from David Bowie and U2 to Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. He’s also known as a musicologist and documentarian through programs like The Ongoing History of New Music.

18 thoughts on “The Wife Says: Who Would You Do?

  • September 25, 2011 at 10:52 pm
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    Toby Keith? You're right, it's just too dangerous to be dangerous in Rock anymore. Boo.

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  • September 25, 2011 at 11:41 pm
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    Two words: Dave Grohl. Completely approachable yet totally bad ass.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 12:13 am
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    @ Carly…I concur.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 1:08 am
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    Another vote for Dave Grohl.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 1:31 am
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    First off, yes, we need to hear more from Mary Ellen. Definitely.

    Second… Hmm. (Dave Grohl, everyone? Really?? Huh!) Once upon a time I'd have said Trent Reznor (back in the "Broken" through "The Downward Spiral" eras), but NOT now that his neck is the biggest thing on him. The only other still-touring frontman who makes my pulse race anymore is Peter Murphy. The man is sex on a stage. I have to restrain myself from behaving indecently whenever I see him live. (I wonder what that says about me…)

    Oh, and Robbie Robertson. No hesitation.

    Dave Gahan, too.

    But my examples began their careers as drool-worthy musicians Way Back When. For this generation of late 20s-early 30s? My generation? …I'm comin' up snake-eyes. Gahan has to be the closest to it. Gen X does not have a Jagger or a Bowie. And I don't think I noticed that until just now. How depressing.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 4:12 am
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    How about Thom Yorke? That guy's got a little something something going for him!

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  • September 26, 2011 at 4:42 am
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    M.E.B. rocks!

    gotta agree with the "Dave Grohl … really?!" comments. but, to each his/her own.

    two words: dave gahan. and … oh! for me, at least … billy idol. (yes, probably even still now.) and maybe henry rollins, but i think i'd be so intimidated/fascinated that i'd rather just talk to him and find out what makes him tick.

    and, um, don't count U2 out so fast, alan … larry mullen has been rockin' my world since i was a wee lass of 12, which was a very long time ago.

    Reply
  • September 26, 2011 at 10:47 am
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    Hello! Does the name NOEL GALLAGHER not make you quiver with delight ladies? His talent, his wit, his sexy little body! Those eyes! How many guys look that hot after 40?
    For the younger generation, there's Miles Kane. He's 25, talented, English and looks like a young Paul MacCartney. Only cuter!
    Noel and Miles may not be as bad ass as The Lizard King but if Jim Morrison was alive he'd be 67 years old. I don't think he'd be wearing leather pants. He'd probably be playing Vegas with Rod Stewart.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 1:19 pm
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    Chris Carrabba from Dashboard Confessional! But after my discussion with MEB it was hard to try and come up with someone.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 1:21 pm
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    Also…Gavin Rossdale! Totally!!!

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  • September 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm
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    Eddie Vedder. No other words required.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 2:25 pm
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    Eddie Vedder. Always. Anytime.
    And Scott Weiland. High or not.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 3:16 pm
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    Josh Homme, hands down. My pants, that is.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm
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    Jack White brought real music back for me… I'd do him in a heartbeat! If you have any doubts just watch him in "Under Blackpool Lights" with his skin tight pants… As a friend of mine once said: "That camera man must be a woman!" HOT!

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  • September 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm
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    Sam Roberts has always done something for me – the sparkly eyes, the scruffy hair.

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  • September 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm
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    I second Jack White!!

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  • September 26, 2011 at 5:38 pm
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    Perhaps the funniest thing about this is that the most rock 'n roll guy in the last decade wasn't even in rock 'n roll. Russell Brand – a comedian – lived the rock 'n roll lifestyle to the max – sex, drugs, and ehm…onstage performances. Not only were women lining up to 'do' him, he was was as bad boy as they got. Then he married a pop princess and settled down into married life….

    Reply

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