Top Ten Evil Rock Stars

By Brent Chittenden

Well, here we are. The last of our spooky lists honoring Halloween is the one where we’ve saved up all of the evil in rock. Yes, rock stars do mean and horrifying things and I’m not talking about those Church burning black metalers. No, these rockers are still out there, causing more crimes against humanity. Every person on this list should scare you.

 

10) Chad Kroeger


Nickleback aside, he’s responsible for Theory of a Deadman, Carly Rae Jepsen and Mr Darkest Days through his 604 Records.

9) ABBA


… I have no proof but I’m pretty sure they are part of Sweden’s plan to take over the world with crappy dance music. They nearly had it but for whatever reason the plan went astray. Then years later we get Ace of Base… two guys, two girls, Sweden, dance music… need I say more?

8) Miley Cyrus


Normally, I’d give her a pass but due to her Wrecking Ball video, I saw Hulk Hogan in a thong. I still wake up screaming in the night.

7) Axl Rose


Axl may have caused at least 4 or 5 riots, including two in Canada that revivals Stanley Cup riots. He even managed to get a private concert to riot.

6) Gary Tranter

*Artist Rendition of incident

Guitarist in a band called Broken Linda, has punched two nuns and chased a rabbi with a lawn tractor. Seriously though, this happened.

5) Spinal Tap


18 drummers have “mysteriously” met their ends playing with this band. They can’t all be accidents, right?

 

4) Metallica and Lou Reed


Lulu is probably used as a form of torture in some countries.

3) The Eagles


If the internet is to be believed (because it’s always right), Hotel California is about Satanic rites. So every time you hear the song, just imaging Don Henley in that afro of his in black robes, sacrificing a goat. And wait till you find out what Heart of the Matter is about.

2) Alice Cooper


Sure, he looks all Born Again, golfer dude now but the fact remains, he tried to get Kermit the Frog to sell his soul!

1) Gwar


They are evil aliens that murder people at every show. I’ve seen the footage! They want to play at the Super Bowl half time show where they plan on killing both teams and then the audience. Will someone think of the children!

 

Brent Chittenden

Brent Chittenden is a freelance writer with a gift for the geek. Currently a writer with A Journal Of Musical Things and a podcaster with True North Nerds, he's also written for Comic Book Daily, Explore Music and a dozen other places. Currently, he is the co-host of the True North Nerds podcast. You can find out more at www.facebook.com/bcchittenden

One thought on “Top Ten Evil Rock Stars

  • October 25, 2013 at 5:48 pm
    Permalink

    I just wanted to make one point. Riots, are caused by…Rioters.

    Reply

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