Twelve Antidotes to the Sappy Christmas Music You’ve Been Hearing

By Adam Morrison

Had enough of the same old sickly sweet Christmas music that’s everywhere nowadays? Here are twelve alternatives that might put you back in the spirit.

1. Regarding the Dropkick Murphys’ “The Seasons Upon Us,” band member Ken Casey has said it’s “definitely not some cheesy Christmas tune. It’s about a dysfunctional family.”

2. Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s “I Really Don’t Hate Christmas” is really more about hating other holidays than not hating Christmas.

3. The title character in the Kinks’ “Father Christmas” is forced to think about holiday gifting from a different angle.

4. Santa snaps and takes up arms in Weird Al’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy.”

5. With “Christmas with the Devil,” Spinal Tap explain why you should fear what might be coming down your chimney.

6. Sure, you get gifts at Christmas, but sometimes they’re ones you don’t want. Garfunkel and Oates describe what happens next in “Present Face.”

7. AC/DC’s “Mistress for Christmas” is about someone getting just the right thing.

8. How would you like to enjoy Christmas classics in a death metal style? Death Metal Christmas is here for you.

9. The Insane Clown Posse have released many a Christmas track, but none that capture the insulting-Santa-ness of the season quite like “Santa’s A Fat Bitch.” *NSFW lyrics, of course*

10. “No Presents for Christmas,” which is probably one of King Diamond’s best-known songs, was released on Christmas Day thirty years ago.

11. Venom’s “Black Christmas” puts the thrash and the vaguely satanic imagery back in the holiday.

12. Don’t be fooled by the beginning of Hidden Pride’s “Death Metal Merry Christmas…” the song delivers on its title.