There is no such word as “vinyls.” You will not change my mind.

[This was my weekly column for GlobalNews.ca. – AC]

I try not to be judgmental, but I have a thing for correct nomenclature and proper pronunciations. I’ll let slide anyone who pronounces the “L” in “calm,” and I’ll give a little bit of slack to anyone who initially struggles with “quinoa.” But if you insist that “Uber” (as in “You’ve had too much to drink. Let me call you an Uber”) is pronounced “Yuber,” that’s when the red mist descends.

I also get a little crazy when someone pronounces David Bowie’s last name like it’s the front of a boat. Despite being spelled “Gahan,” the name of the lead singer of Depeche Mode wants you to know that it’s “Dave GAHN.” And the guy out front of Queens of the Stone Age? Contrary to anything you’ve heard, it’s Josh HOMmy. (Trust me. I’ve talked to the man.)

I get even more exorcised when someone insists on using the word “vinyls” when it comes to music pressed onto plastic. This isn’t just a mispronunciation; it’s a modern perversion that’s crept into the English language over the last couple of decades.

English is very strange went it comes to how words are supposed to sound. It can only be learned, though, through tough thorough thought. In most cases, we’ll add an “S” to a word to communicate that there’s more than one of an object. Linguists say that mass nouns are subject to “countification.” But not always.

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