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These Batsh*t Crazy Musical Conspiracy Theories are Batsh*t Brilliant

I love me a good conspiracy theory and the crazier the better. It’s not that I believe any of them; I just appreciate the ingenuity/insanity that goes into creating these stories. And I’m not saying that conspiracies don’t exist, but I do believe that the Illuminati have better things to do with their time.

This is excerpted from The Guardian:

2. Stephen King killed John Lennon

I know you believe Mark Chapman killed John Lennon. But what if I told you that Lennon was actually murdered by beloved novelist Stephen King? This is the theory posited by a man who once interrupted a town council meeting in Florida to talk about it. The proof? King looks a bit like Chapman in certain lights if you squint. CONSPIRACY.

7 Nicki Minaj is Jay-Z sped up

Have you ever listened to Super Bass slowed down? You should, because it makes Nicki Minaj sound exactly like Jay-Z. And have you ever listened to any Jay-Z song sped up? Again, you should because it makes Jay-Z sound exactly like Minaj. And this can only mean one thing: “Nicki Minaj” is an actor, skilled in the art of lip-syncing, who was hired by Jay-Z to increase his fortune. It all makes perfect sense.

11 Vivendi inserts Mick Jagger’s name into songs to promote the Rolling Stones

At the turn of the decade, pop songs started referencing Mick Jagger like nobody’s business. Ke$ha’s Tik Tok; Black Eyed Peas’ The Time (Dirty Bit); Heart and Soul by the Jonas Brothers; and Maroon 5’s Moves Like Jagger were all released in 2010. Is it a coincidence, or was French mass-media conglomerate Vivendi trying to boost the popularity of recent signees the Rolling Stones by inserting their name into contemporary songs? Maybe we’ll never know.

See what I mean? There’s plenty more here.

Alan Cross

is an internationally known broadcaster, interviewer, writer, consultant, blogger and speaker. In his 40+ years in the music business, Alan has interviewed the biggest names in rock, from David Bowie and U2 to Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. He’s also known as a musicologist and documentarian through programs like The Ongoing History of New Music.

Alan Cross has 38403 posts and counting. See all posts by Alan Cross

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