Wait: So Tool FANS are Responsible for Drummer Danny Carey’s Staph Infection? What?

Instead of complaining about how hard it is to make an album, I wish Tool would just get on with getting it done. Impose some radio silence, get to work and let us know when it’s ready. It’s been 10 1/2 years since 10,000 Days, so we’re used to waiting.

But no. Somehow the bad vibes being transmitted by Tool fans are harshing the band’s creative consciousness–and now, apparently, causing bacterial infections.

Drummer Danny Carey had a recent medical emergency involving a staph infection–something you don’t want to mess with–which has set back the band’s work schedule and resulted in the near-cancellation of at least one live date. This infection is our fault, apparently.

According to webmaster Blair McKenzie Blake (the boldface emphasis is mine):

In the last newsletter I warned readers that the negative energy projected by a small percentage of Tool ‘fans’ could have adverse effects on the band’s current activities. Lo and behold – shortly thereafter – Tool nearly had to cancel their much-anticipated performance at the AFTERSHOCK FESTIVAL due to a medical emergency that involved drummer Danny Carey.

In the same newsletter, I also forewarned that the diarrheaic diatribe of these misguided individuals could potentially manifest itself with unwelcome consequences elsewhere. Besides the obvious as seen on televisions everywhere, I sited  [sic] a few examples of these disturbances in the multiverse, including the terrible Sedona “Cairn Wars” and the fear and hysteria caused by the recent epidemic of creepy clown sightings. (No, not the embarrassing political buffoonery, but that which is getting to be so serious now, that even lovable fast-food mascot, Ronald McDonald – an American icon! – has been told to keep a low profile!) But even worse than clown threats, is the removal of Halloween clown costumes from Wal-Mart store shelves. Why not Starbucks Rainbow Drinks? I mean really, what’s the difference?

Other tangible effects of some Tool ‘fan’ negativity that I could have included would be the “Block Lives Matter” movement started after numerous Lego plastic bricks were senselessly trampled on and/or vacuumed up, the Zika virus, spiders that use their silk to lasso flies, Angry Birds, Monster Truck Rallies, Rapin’ for Jesus, and Pumpkin-spiced canned Ravioli. The other day I even drove by a “METH CHURCH” (unless the last 5 letters just fell off the sign?). Either way…

THE SIGNS ARE UNFOLDING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES.

I don’t think any Tool fan wants to be held responsible for beached Sea Lions or rampant bark beetle infestations, and, yet, some continue to whine about a new album and such. Granted, this is usually the same six or seven people – the kind of dimwits who would get arrested for the home invasion of an unlocked dollhouse, or for writing hateful messages with peanut butter smeared onto parked cars. Nevertheless, as we are seeing, their actions can have grave repercussions. But, here’s the deal, Toolies: All of this pales in comparison to the nightmare scenario that I am about to reveal in this newsletter! The fact that YOU ignored the above warning and are reading the news anyway tells me something about your personal character.

Wow. I didn’t know that our impatience for a new Tool album has having such far-reaching effects. Either Blair is a little tetched or this whole thing is just more disinformation and misdirection that Tool is famous for. And we love them for it, right?

Read the whole newsletter here.

Alan Cross

is an internationally known broadcaster, interviewer, writer, consultant, blogger and speaker. In his 30+ years in the music business, Alan has interviewed the biggest names in rock, from David Bowie and U2 to Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. He’s also known as a musicologist and documentarian through programs like The Ongoing History of New Music.

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